Right back where I started from
by The Carpet Shampoo
Summary: Inu-Yasha is betrayed by Kagome, abandoned by his friends, and left with only himself and his emotions. But why should he care? He didn't need those friends...did he? IY/KH *angst warning*
1. Prologue

"Right back where I started from"

By Pixie

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Inu-Yasha…if so, trust me, the series would have been way different, lol

Pixie: Ok, ok, first try at Inu-Yasha here, please don't hold that against me! This was written in a fit of emotion, so hopefully, its good.

I changed my mind again. Betrayal is the worst feeling in the world. It's worse than being weak, being alone, or frightened. And I betrayed not once, but twice by the two I had believed to love more than anything does. Betrayal eats away at your soul, ripping it to shreds, but slowly, so very slowly, so you feel each pain stabbed into you. Watching people whom you cared about leave you, watching them hurt you, I can't even describe how awful it is, how it tears me apart. 

            I could have lived with Kagome leaving. She was young; she had a life. But now…she's gone too far, she could have just left, she could have just walked out of my life and never looked back. But you couldn't do that, could you Kagome? First, you had to torture me… 

            You could have just told me the truth. But instead you wove together lies, and I fell for them, fell for them like the stupid idiot I am. Blinded by love, deafened by my own pounding heart whenever I was around you. I stumbled backwards to fall back on my friends. But I hit the cold hard ground of reality as I watched them walk off, arm in arm with you. You could have just told me the truth. 

            I don't care what they say Kagome, I loved you. Every nerve inside my body lit up, burning inside of me with a passion I've never known…just by the touch of your hand, the sound of your voice, the look on your face. I could of lived with it if you didn't feel the same, could of lived with it if you told me you hated me. But you didn't do that, did you? You lied to me, you betrayed me, and left me alone, abandoned…

            Why? Echoing throughout my mind, the question of eternity is Why? We could have been so happy, we were so happy, so why? The second greener pastures appeared on the horizon you were gone, the second you got wind of a better world, you were out of my life, leaving behind your legacy of lies and deceit. Leaving me with this torrent of emotion with no outlet, no escape, leaving me trapped in an invisible cage, a cage I built from my own bones, sealed with my blood, built by my hands, locked by my soul. 

            I could have lived with it if you hated me. I can't live with this betrayal, with lies, again, here. Don't pity me. Hate me, leave me, scorn me and beat me, but do not give me your pity, your sympathy, your empathy, because you, bless you, will never know the pain of betrayal, you will never know what true sadness is, you will never feel your soul ripped from your body, shredded in pieces and spat on. You will never know me, you will never know Inu-Yasha the half dog demon, and you will never know the love I felt for her, for Kagome. 

            You will never know how it feels…to lie back, dreaming of what it would feel like to run a dagger through your heart, lost in thoughts of spilling your own blood, imaging the pleasure your death would bring you. You will live on Kagome. The betrayer will live, they will be happy. The betrayed will suffer and die. That's just the way the world works, doesn't it Kagome? The weak will be oppressed, the strongest will survive, the foolish will parish, the wise will be killed for their intelligence. The betrayers, the cutthroats, they will live on, they will flourish, they will never look back, will they Kagome? 

            Those who have known betrayal, felt its icy claws rip their hearts out, they know how I am feeling. I would of stayed by your side forever, if that's what it took. I could of loved you for all time, but that isn't what you wanted. You wanted to see me hurt, they way I knew I hurt you. Please don't let everything we had be a mistake. Let it be forgotten, let is be tossed aside, just don't let it be wrong. 

            I meant to tell you I loved you. I meant you never to forget that fact. But you did. You forgot everything I told you, you forgot how much I loved you Kagome. Did you forget how much you loved me? 


	2. Chapter 1

"Right back where I started from"

by Pixie

Disclaimer: Don't own Inu-Yasha, simply borrowing the characters for my own evil purposes.

Pixie: Right up, I'll apologize for the shortness. I promise, I only do it to torture you guys. Next chapter will be longer, hopefully. I will try and clear up all confusions…next chapter. Guess you'll all just have to hold on until then!

I hurt her. I didn't mean to hurt her. I was scared, I was afraid of love and how much it could hurt if you let it. Somehow, I'd forgotten all the good in love, the way it makes you feel inside, the way it makes every pain or sorrow float away on a blissful wind. The way, Kagome, which you made me feel. 

            Does HE make you feel this way? Does HE love you as much as I do? Does HE fall asleep with your name on his lips and wake up with it in his heart? I do Kagome. I do. 

            So many words, so many thoughts, bottled up inside…so why can't I just say it!? Three simple words, and maybe I could have had you Kagome. But instead you are with HIM. Three simple words and the world I live in now, if you can even call it a world, would have been perfect. In my heart I said those words Kagome. But somewhere along the way, different words came out, hurtful words. HE said the words correctly, I'll bet. I hurt her. I didn't mean to hurt her. I just meant to say "I love you Kagome…" Three simple words. 

            "Inu-Yasha?" A tender voice interrupted my thoughts. I sighed and leaned against the tree.         

            "Go away Shippo."  I didn't want to be bothered right now, especially not by some dumb fox kid, or whatever he was. 

            "…No." I snapped my eyes open, and jumped up. That punk did NOT just say what I thought he said. I glared down at him, drawing myself up to full height, reminding him just who was in charge around here. I was in a very bad mood, and he was very annoying, and Kagome would not be here to protect him. 

            "What. Did. You. Just. Say?!" 

            "I said NO! I came here to talk to you, and I'm not leaving." He returned the glare, and for a moment, I saw something I'd never seen in Shippo before. When had he developed such courage? He'd watched me kill thousands of demons without a care, he knew I'd kill him if I got pissed off. He'd left with Miroku and Sango, he'd abandoned me out of fear. What now made him return? I growled, and rested my hand on the Tetsusaiga, a warning to him. But the fire in his eyes never wavered. That alone made me sit. I scowled at him, then slumped to the ground. I folded my arms.

            "You have 10 seconds to say something impressive enough to make me not kill you."  There. This way, he'd leave, but not without first giving me the message. Or he might just outright run. Oops, I hope he doesn't do that…

            "You still have a chance with her." Stupid kid…What did he know about love? He probably didn't even know the whole story. About what Kagome did to me…and worse, what I did to Kagome…I growled and raised my claws, and the fox demon fled. Damn him! I still needed info from him. I leapt to my feet, and was surprised by how fast he had become. I darted around the trees, each one only a small dark blur at the speed we were going.  I wasn't paying much attention as to where I was going, simply chasing the small fox through the trees. 

            "Boomerang Bone!" I thought for a moment I had hit a tree as I fell stunned to the ground. I could already feel bruises forming on the upper half of my body, and wondered briefly if my nose was broken. There was no doubt in my mind. That blow had been intended to kill. I lay on the ground in dazed stupor, thanking every lucky star that Miroku no longer had his wind tunnel and that I was as strong as I was. I opened one eye, still half-stunned and saw a glowering Miroku and an angry Sango standing over me, each one of them had their weapons aimed. 

            "Not this again…" I muttered. I closed my eyes and fell into a half sort of sleep, secretly hoping I would never wake up again.


	3. Chapter 2

"Right back where I started From"

by Pixie

Disclaimer: If I owned Inu-Yasha, wouldn't Kikyo be dead by now?

Pixie: Reviews! Yea! Reviews are honestly what I live for. It's the highlight of my life receiving reviews. Thanks so much everyone! As to who's the final couple here…well that would spoil the ending now, wouldn't it? Though, I will say that I'm a big fan of Miroku/Sango, so expect some action between them two in the near future…

Ja Ne!

Enjoy!

Chapter 2

"Ugh…" Eventually I did wake up, and by the feel of things, they'd been beating me during my sleep. One good hit to the head to make sure I stayed unconscious, then beat until I was bruised all over. I'm positive that's what they did. I opened one eye and gazed around. Everything was slightly blurry, but I saw the outlines of Miroku, Sango, and Shippo huddled around the fire. Sango muttered something to Miroku and pointed at me. The whole world seemed to be spinning and even my sensitive demon ears did not pick up what Sango had said. 

            "Why didn't you just let me die?" I closed my eyes again, allowing wave after wave to flood over me. I hadn't been this beaten in a long, long time.

            "Death is too good for you!" The snarling voice of Sango spat at me. I groaned, and struggled to sit up. I was not in the mood to be blamed and yelled at. I just wanted to find a comfortable place to sleep away. 

            "I wouldn't move if I were you Inu-Yasha. Your wounds are still fresh, even with your demon blood, you may begin bleeding again and die." For the first time, I noticed the bandages wrapped around me. So, despite the fact these guys beat me up while I was sleeping, they still bandaged me. Why on Earth would they do that? 

            "Death is too good for you!" Sango's voice echoed in my mind. Well, that seemed to explain the bandages. I glared at the monk, sitting calmly as usual, staring at me, waiting to see if I would heed his warning or not. I pulled my self up to my feet and began limping off into the woods. 

            "Inu-Yasha!" Sango had leapt to her feet and was glaring at me. The fire behind her seemed to rise with her anger, lighting her up like some freakish demon. I grinned at her, and pointed at the bandages. 

            "Thanks for patching me up." I limped off, and heard Sango's growl of frustration. Nothing irritates an angry person more than kindness.  

            Friends. Some friends they were…beating a guy up while he was sleeping, you can't get much lower than that. I found myself wishing yet again that I had been nicer to them. I knew, that too them, I must look like the bad guy, stupid Inu-Yasha sent Kagome away crying. I guess they didn't even consider what Kagome did to me.

            I growled out loud and kicked the ground. 

            "This is all my fault…Three simple words, and I would have had Kagome forever. I did love you Kagome, I swear I did! I always have…but no, I couldn't say that could I? I had to lie to you, I had to hurt you, I had to be the stupid one who admitted too late he loved you. And now where am I? Beaten in the woods, alone…And Kagome's off with stupid Kouga! of all people, why him? Just cause he can admit his feelings, and he's easy to talk to, and…and…He'll never love you as much as I did Kagome! I swear I'll…What's the use? She'll never take me back…" I stood up slowly and heard a small Snap! Somewhere in the darkness, a twig had snapped. I quickly looked in the direction of the snap and saw the silhouette of a girl running away. 

            "Sango!! Damn, she heard everything! Wait, Sango!" I chased after her, but stepped right away on my injured foot and crumpled to the ground. I hit the leaves with a loud thud, eating the grass and dirt as I hit the ground. 

            _"Sit boy!" I fell to the ground with a thud, my face crashing into dirt, grass, bugs and who knows what else. _

_            "I was just trying to say I was sorry!"_

_            "SIT BOY!" I hit the ground again and sat up glaring. _

_            "I'm really sorry!" _

_            "Inu-Yasha you don't mean that! SIT!" Once again, I was eating dirt. Stupid girl…I leapt up, landing right in front of her, and grabbed her wrist. _

_            "I didn't mean it, ok?!" With one free hand I reached up and twirled a lock of her hair around my finger. "Your hair isn't stupid…its…nice. Whatever. I didn't mean it, when I said it was stupid." I looked down catching those blue-gray eyes and I noticed her face was so pale, her mouth slightly open, a look of shock on her face. For the first time, I realized how close our faces were, how I could just lean in and kiss her if I wanted too…_

_            "Well, you shouldn't say things you don't mean Inu-Yasha!"_

            Strange memories come up when you fall face-first in dirt. I don't remember what compelled me to call her hair stupid, but she'd fixed it up all nice or what not for some reason. I really did like it, I just called it stupid and she got all mad! The nerve of that girl. Who would even like her?  I glanced off in the darkness. Somewhere, Kagome was out there. And I had to find her. I stepped forward again, wincing under the pain of my hurt leg…Maybe I should go see Kaede about some healing first…After all, the moon was only a sliver in the sky, and I'd need all the strength I could get. 

Pixie: WHAT?! Kouga and Kagome?! Well, now, this is an unexpected turn of events…Next time…Shippo disappears, and Sango hears startling news from the nearby village…__


	4. Chapter 3

"Right back where I started from"

by Pixie

~Now officially dedicated to MysticIceDragon~ 

::sigh:: Need I even say I don't own Inu-Yasha?

Pixie: Sorry this update is late! I was busy…

Chapter 3

I walked over to where Sango had been spying on me to make sure no immoral monks or stupid foxes were in the woods either. I sighed in relief as there was nothing in the woods except a discarded pile of medicinal herbs. '_Just getting worked up over nothing, that's all."_ I snatched up a small herb on the ground, a sprig of…what did that old hag call it? Oh yeah…lilac. I sniffed deeply, but instantly felt my sensitive nose wrinkle with the sweet scent coming out of it. "Smells like that stupid wench…" The lilac smelled exactly like Kagome as a matter of fact. Worse, it was one of those smells that seemed to never leave your nose. Try as I might to smell Sango, all I could smell was that lilac scent that reminded me sadly of Kagome. I started off in the direction where I'd seen Sango run off. If she'd been picking lilac in the forest, I could follow the scent of lilac to her, since I couldn't seem to pick up on her scent anywhere. 

****

Kagome ran, her feet pounding on the ground, her heart pounding in her chest. Blindly she darted through the tree's until finally she saw a familiar face. 

"Kagome?" The word's had barely escaped the wolf demon before Kagome practically collapsed into him. She could only remember one other time she'd run this hard. 

"Kagome? Darling what's wrong? Was their a demon out there? I knew I should have come with you, will you ever forgive me?" Kagome had hoped Kouga's words, his absolute devotion to her would calm the newformed doubts in her mind. But she had no such luck. His arms felt wrong wrapped around her, the way she felt against him it felt off. 

Kouga spotted the expression on her face and tried to figure it out. "You were out gathering herbs…did you drop them?" He reached into her midnight locks and pulled out a sprig of lilac which had tried to hide itself within Kagome's hair. He sniffed the lilac and laughed. 

"Did you know? This herb smells just like you!" He handed the sprig of lilac to Kagome, who sadly accepted it and sniffed it. She smiled, trying hard to make her smile look genuine. She had mastered long ago, when Inu-Yasha made her sad, a fake smile that looked genuine. Kouga accepted the smile, along with the story he invented. He found it almost cute that his Kagome had come running frightened when she'd been frightened by a demon in the woods.

Kagome, since she had come to know Feudal Japan, she had no reason to fear demons. She'd never feared a demon…only a half-demon by the name of Inu-Yasha…

_~ Kagome took a deep breath, her heart fluttering like a butterfly within her chest. It was now or never. Do or die. Time seemed to stand still as Kagome walked across the field to where Inu-Yasha was standing. He turned to her, the wind making his long white locks blow in the wind, his golden optics staring at Kagome with wide-eyed surprise. _

"I thought you'd gone home…" He remarked, his eyes losing any emotion they had. Kagome shook her head and felt her cheeks turn hot. She knew she was blushing like a school girl, but she knew, if she ran away it would be too late. 

"Inu-Yasha…" Never had Inu-Yasha given Kagome a definitive sign he loved her, or even liked her, but still Kagome needed to tell him how she felt. 

"Inu-Yasha, I love you!" She turned away instantly, her face red she knew. Kagome slowly felt her insides turn to ice as Inu-Yasha made no response. 

"Is that ALL you had to say?" Kagome could of sworn her heart died at that very moment. She felt tears filling her eyes, but she couldn't give Inu-Yasha the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She ran, harder than she'd ever ran in her whole life, tears pouring down her face, leaving a very confused Inu-Yasha behind. 

Kagome ran to the well, ready, at last, to return to her world and never return. She ran into the clearing…and smack into Kouga. He looked up in surprise where he had been resting. He looked down at Kagome, who had been knocked to her knees. Tenderly, he helped her to her feet, but just as he opened his mouth to apologize, Kagome had thrown her arms around him, holding him like she'd never let go… ~ 

*****

I watched with a strange curiousity as Kagome dozed off right in Kouga's arms, her mind looking like it was a million miles away. By some trick of fate, he didn't seem to smell me. He ran off in the other direction, leaving Kagome asleep in a soft patch of grass. 

"How very irresponsible Kouga…I would never leave Kagome alone…" I stood up and took a step into the clearing, slowly approaching the sleeping Kagome…

****

"Ah, Lady Kaede. How nice to see you today." Miroku smiled his most charming smile at the old woman. 

"Good to see ye too, monk. But the news I bear is not so good." The old woman responded. Miroku raised one eyebrow. Kaede often gave Sango and he news about demons that plagued villages, and the two of them, with Shippo would go destroy the demon. So, bad news was common. He waved one hand to Sango, who was off with Shippo. Miroku knew Sango would have many questions if there was word of a demon. Sango walked over and stood next to Miroku. 

Kaede took a deep breath. "Lady Kagome has been kidnapped." 

Pixie: Well, this looks like a good ending spot. Haha! You gotta always love a good cliffhanger. Anway, the good news is, I have finally decided where I'm going with this fic. And everything I want to happen in it. So, I should be able to write/post chapters faster. 


	5. Chapter 4

"Right back where I started from"

By Pixie

Pixie: Sorry! I didn't mean to leave this chapter hanging for so long, its just, I had so much of this story typed up, and then there was that power outage and I lost it! Keh, a power outage, in the middle of the day, no rain or nothing. It was quite awful. But I will keep writing, I do intend to finish this story at some point or another. 

Chapter 4: 

The sound of rain on stones startled me. I jumped about fifty feet, sniffing the air for any demons that may be near by. 

"_Keh, its just rain…why am I so jumpy? Besides I put a huge stone blocking the entrance to this cave…I would of heard the rock moving if someone was IN here…" _

True, the cave had been silent, only the sound of my feet slapping against the pavement, and the soft sound of Kagome breathing. 

Oh God…Kagome…When I'd seen her lying there, I hadn't intended to kidnap her. I was just going up to sniff her, remind myself of what I stupidly gave up. And there she was…lying there. So I picked her up and fled. She slept like a rock the whole way…Stupid girl! Unconsciously I felt my claws biting into the palm of my hand, felt my anger rising within me. If anything, I should have taken her here to kill her for what she'd done! 

I'd loved her since she first spoke to me, first released me from the stupid tree. Without question, she pulled out that arrow. From the beginning, she trusted me more than Kikyo had ever trusted me. It was Kagome who stayed to held me find the Jewel Shards. She could have easily gone back to her own world, not caring at all about the problems of this world. But she stayed, despite everything I'd ever done for her. Her fire, her justice, her way of existence was everything I ever needed in a companion. Her sense of right and wrong was astounding, her beauty, the way she melted even my dead heart with only a simply flash of her eyes. 

__

He knew from the start that he had loved her. So why was it so hard to say how he felt? All ready once, he had made her cry when he was unable to say his feelings. He would not do it again. It never occurred to him that perhaps Kagome would not want him back…The scent of her, lovely like lilacs led a trail to the well. And Inu-Yasha the half-demon followed that trail, swift as a lion out for the kill. 

The sight at the well made him stop at his tracks. Kagome stood there, sobbing her poor broken heart out. Her tears had always created a tender spot in Inu-Yasha's heart. A finger reached out to brush the tear away, careful not to touch the girl's cheek with his long fingernail. Inu-Yasha ducked further behind the tree, his heart sinking in his chest as he watched Kagome suddenly throw her arms around Kouga, sobbing into his shoulder. The demon held her close for a moment, breathing in her scent the way Inu-Yasha had often imagined doing. "Half-demons…" Kouga whispered softly, but not so soft that Inu-Yasha's sensitive ears couldn't pick up on it, "Are scorned at because they are only half as good as FULL demons…" And with this, Kouga raised his blue eyes to reach Inu-Yasha's golden one's a half-smile formed on his lips. And then, Kouga pulled Kagome away from him, before leaning in and pressing his lips to hers. Inu-Yasha stepped back, shaking his head. Not Kouga…Anyone but him. Inu-Yasha grabbed his heart and gasped out loud. This…this was true pain, this was ultimate suffering, seeing the one you love above all things with someone else. Inu-Yasha ran, but something compelled him to look back once more. 'Twas that evil force that caused Inu-Yasha to turn just in time to see Kagome kissing Kouga back… 

"Where…where am I? Kouga…Wait a second…that smell…" Suddenly, the now-awake Kagome's eyes narrowed in anger, as the sudden realization of where she was sunk in. "SIT BOY!" The sound of rain hit the roof harder, but it was a pin drop compared to the ringing in my ears as I got a close encounter with the concrete floor. 

"It's ok…" I thought, "This is probably where I belong, here among the dirt." I sighed, the familiar feeling of crashing to the ground was more like an old friend. It was familiar, from before things between Kagome and I got strange, and it was nice in that sense. She stormed over to me, glaring down at me with those brown eyes of hers. 

"How DARE you Inu-Yasha?! I thought you were a dog before, but this is a new low!" _She's probably right, _I mused, _I don't think any one of her sits have ever made me go this far into the ground. _"You steal me away from Kouga, drag me to this stupid cave, where its dark, and damp, and worst of all, its where you are!" 

"Could you please not shout? It rather hurts my ears…" I rubbed a single ear with my hand, trying to get the ringing sound out of it as I sat up. 

"Is THAT all you care about?! Your EARS! I should have known! The only person you EVER cared about was YOURSELF!" At this point, I couldn't stand it. I slammed my first into the ground, shattering rock beneath me. I heard Kagome give a frightened yelp. 

"THAT'S NOT TRUE! And you know it!" I glared at the quivering wench, surprised she hadn't fallen backwards in fear. 

"Name one person you cared about Inu-Yasha! I dare you too!" The smirk on her face told me she knew I wouldn't. 

"Fine, wench! If you must know, I cared about you!" With that, I turned my back on her and stomped off to the corner to calm down. 


End file.
